It All Begins with a Question

It all began with a question. Questions bombarded me in scripture today, and I shook my head.
I know better than that, thinking to myself, reading about the ancient questionings of a people who clearly didn't know how powerful God is.

How quickly the Lord strikes the high and lofty musings circling around the mind, stirring up more trouble than I can detect. His anecdote shocking, like cold water, but with that water comes refreshment beyond belief.

"Will the Lord always reject us? Will he never again be pleased with us?
Has he stopped loving us?
Does his promise no longer stand?
Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has anger taken the place of His compassion?"
-Psalm 77: 7-9





Some of these questions, how eerie their familiarity. I could have written some of these, I realize sitting in my new dorm room, in the strange and amazing new world of college, trying hard to stay courageous in the excitement of uncertainty, searching for Jesus everywhere at this university, and finding Him with delight. 

Heck, I could have written some of these yesterday, a soul humbled admits.

 And this soul humbled realizes the questions flow despite what God has done. And oh, how the lies thrive on the waiting period to see the miracles hoped for, how the lies give birth to hideous questions, questions outlandish about a God who has no limitations. 

I remember the story of the bread from Heaven and hope tugs at the corners of a solemn face and cracks a smile. 

I remember how they questioned God, "Can He really provide food for us?" and God was angry and God saw their lack of faith raw and naked and then grace.
Grace, and He gave them the "grain from heaven," there in the dessert, He gave them manna, the food of angels, undeserved.

I am not ashamed of the questioning, not weary in the waiting for direction, waiting for comfort, because if I do not know the answers, if I do not see them right here, right now, I have seen them plentiful and luscious in times before.

I remember the healing I experienced nearly a year ago when Christ transformed my life and made my soul fly.
I remember that I sit here in this dorm by God's great work in my life, when medical discharges and prior college plans died to give life to a plan more magnificent.

And then all of a sudden, looking at the past, the answers become present. 

And then all of a sudden, God's grace and blessings and answers and presence are here and I am loved beyond belief, despite doubts, despite fears, and despite the poisonous questions that arise. 

And all of a sudden, I know in my heart:

"Do not lose your courage, then, because it brings with it a great reward. You need to be patient in order to do the will of God and receive what He promises."
-Hebrews 10:35-36

And my heart knows anew this verse I'd poured over so often, 
my heart knows that the patience is the reward. 

In the patience, clinging to God, reliving the answered prayers and the promises splendid, as if they had happened in this waiting moment. 
And that is my joy this morning.