-Psalm 9:6 (GNT)
I read this in a house buried by the light, white fluffy. I welcome the closed-in of these past 48 hours, for rest and for the sweet boredom and for the movies and the Youtube hours and the campfire fragrance of our fire place.
It's the thinking that makes it hard.
Yes, those thoughts prepare for times like this, they work on perfecting their methods of attack and one by one their bombers zoom over the nation of my peaceful mind and let 'em go!
That is why I read this verse in my snow-buried home and I can't even imagine this truth.
I can't.
My trials have hardened into bitterness, ossified as a part of this wretched earthly body.
The food obsession.
The rejecting.
The ugliness of a mirror.
The loneliness that will result.
The foolishness, the misdirection.
The over-sensitivity.
I read this verse buried alive in these collected pains. I beat myself down harder, wondering, Why do I keep on living as if I own these, as if these are my treasure, letting their sediments build pressure over me, sinking me steadily further and further into a grave?
Inadequacy piles high.
Jesus conquered that grave. I know this. I do.
But it's the true heart believing it, the more than adopting it but the uniting of it with body and spirit and soul and words spoken and actions made, that's what makes it real.
Then I remember, I can't live this way. Not the human me, anyways. But the Rachel that God intended, the one who has perfect union with Himself, well this is second nature to her.
I forget so often that through a Savior, who lived the too-good-to-be-true, this is all a reality.
Why, if I were in union with Christ, I'd be lightly floating, for He conquered every pain, every sin, nullified its existence on my soul once and for all!
My wings suddenly sprout, feathered with joy, lifted with a thousand praises for my saving knight as I leave all this restricting filth on earth to soar up and up with You!
No more worry about food, but only nourishment from the Word.
Voices of inadequacy are overtaken, pacified by voices of promises and worship and peaceful life renewed!
The mirror is belittled to a measly shard of glass that does not even reflect the most important features I must project: kindness, gentleness, strength, hope, dignity, purity, and more I learn as I live each day.
The fear of expected loneliness is melted by the companionship found in my best friend, the most powerful God of the universe!
And the victory goes on and on, revealing new light with each pain I face.
And again grace is redefined.
Obviously grace is too good to be true. Clear to me now is the nature of doubt that tries to fight grace with all it has, to suppress its blooming in my heart. And these sweet promises are iced with the best part: Jesus lived out that grace. He more than merely accepts it if He dwells in my soul.
He lives it in my heart, and I can feel it. I can.
Enemies finished forever. The wicked is destroyed.
Their reign is remembered no longer!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlbM99I3gYs
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