Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Coping with Being Okay

Whoa.

This "being okay" thing.

What do I do with it?

When I pray and pray for freedom from disordered thoughts being the reigning idols in my life,
 when I seek God's help on the knees, when every shuddering breath and surrendering tear drop are the proclamation that I need His help to conquer this parade of lies once and for all.

And whoa.... it actually happens.

And whoa... I'm surprised that the God of the universe actually did what He'd do.

Now what?

Can you relate, friend?
Did you find your Savior in the deepest pit you've ever been in?
Did you get to know Him in struggles and pain and radical healing of very visible wounds?
Were you chained, hopelessly stained with addiction? An eating disorder?

I was.

And I believed the lie that the struggles were the only place I could find God.
 That I could not know intimacy with a Savior when I was okay. 

In fact, there were times when I strangely feared the coming day when the anorexia was not my security blanket any longer.

But I am not identified as the struggling one who turns to Christ.

No, in Christ my identity is Christ. 

And He was fiercely fighting to free me from the bondage to that wretched disorder, and He shows me every day how that freedom is absolutely possible by His victory.

Then why the anxiety?

Why the anxiety when I stood in line for a meal and didn't agonize over my choice for the first time? 

Why the anxiety when I didn't care about the cookie I ate during prayer group?

Why the anxiety when I took a deep breath and thought, wow, is this what a normal person feels like at meals?

What if my "okay-ness" makes me complacent? What if I lose touch with God? These are the thoughts that rival the taste of freedom.

And those, my friends, are filthy lies from the pit that want to deceive and destroy, to keep me chained to a disorder that died on the cross with Jesus Christ.

I find myself tasting more freedom each day, and I find myself growing in Christ despite those lies. I find myself doing what James said to do in his writings in the New Testament: happy people, praise Him constantly. 

And so I will live here and know that my identity is in Christ.
That it is more than okay to be okay, to dwell in the Lord's victory and praise Him.

Will trials come again? Yes, but I have a Savior there too.

Freedom is not being identified by the struggle, by the past sins, by the successes, but by the name that is above every other name, who conquered sin and crushes the lies that tell me otherwise beneath His mighty victory!

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