Friday, January 10, 2014

Papercuts and Prayer

It was in the fifth mile of a treadmill workout, speaking silently to my Heavenly Father as hurried steps and quickened breath paced my conversation of grace.
It was there that God said, "Tell me, what's really wrong?"

Praying for more and more humility lately, and boy, does He deliver it in extravagant mercy
Praying to Him I find myself doing something often: trying to make downplay the painful emotions I feel, avoiding them when I pray because they are too easy. 

Here's what it may sound like for any of us:
I can handle the sting of that insult on my own.
I am feeling lonely, but I just need to suck it up. 
God will laugh in the face of these silly little prayers when martyrs are bleeding and children have starving swollen bellies and bombs are exploding off in the Middle East.
This emptiness isn't suffering, it's all my imagination.

Then I see an example that my very Saving Father uses when He walked the earth: children.
He says, 
"Some people brought children to Jesus for Him to place His hands on them, but the disciples scolded the people. When Jesus noticed this, He was angry and said to His disciples, 'Let the children come to me, and do not stop them, because the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these."
- Mark 10:13-14
 

Kids, they know a need, and they shamelessly ask for help, they don't even think twice.
Kids, they have a tiny papercut and run to their daddies and mommies soaked in sobs and unleashing what they feel, and the more mature, stronger, wiser adult will soothe and heal, telling of how it is not that bad, giving that curing cuddle that saves the day and all of a sudden the affliction is forgotten.

Should it not be the same with us?

Part of the extravagant gift of being able to go to my Father, experience Him, feel Hiim, commune with Him, abide in Him with no separation or fear of condemnation, is that I can go to Him with anything and receive the ultimate treasure of closeness, the extravagant joy of His glory,
In fact, He promises this, unrestrained.
Indeed, it brings Him glory.

"Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it."

John 14:13-14

I do not want to entertain the thoughts that act as the disciples did on that day, to scold the desire that resides in me as a child of God to run to Him with my papercuts.
I do not want to be a glory thief  any longer, to foolishly abide in myself for these things that are "too little" to call the 9-1-1-G-O-D emergency hotline for help and peace and rest.
I want to humble myself, realize not even my painful experiences belong to me to hoard and try in vain to heal and pride myself with my false sufficiency.

Because really, I am spiritually destitute, 
yes, without Him, I am utterly helpless.
And the biggest lie I could believe in a moment of pain, is telling myself I don't need His help.
And the poorest choice I could make is comparing my suffering to others and falling deep into the deceit that says, "He'll mock you for your imaginary 'pain'."
No, I don't deserve His help, but that's the beauty of grace and He's given it lavishly.

He never does mock my pain like the world does.
He never will.
He only wraps His great mighty arms around me, the sobbing child with a papercut, and heals and delivers every single thing I need, and then some.

Nothing to fear.
Nothing to hide.
Only to receive and to know His glory more intimately, and praise Him with passion and exuberance afresh.


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